Today was the last day of Summer vacation. School starts tomorrow and I am nervous, tired, and overwhelmed. It was a day filled with calls to doctors offices, messages to nurses, blood draws, failures, pharmacy mistakes and insurance issues.

I am exhausted. Bone tired, soul tired.

But the mom guilt hit me hard this morning when it dawned on me that everything changes tomorrow. The way my son views the world will change, the way my daughter views time with her brother will change, the way we function as a family changes tomorrow. And then the regret that I didn’t take advantage of the summer, I didn’t play enough, I didn’t create enough memorable experiences, I didn’t teach enough, and I am not enough hit me hard.

I cried, I poured my eyes out while my husband fed the kids breakfast and I hid away before the heaviness of the day hit.

I didn’t have much positive to say about the day. Until I realized if I had been on social media I would have been bombarded with everyone else’s goodbyes to summer, the fun recaps, and the reviews of the picture-perfect moments we didn’t get to enjoy this year. It would have broken me down mentally so much worse than I could have possibly done to myself.

Today I learned the subtle lesson of inadequacy, and how it’s been speaking to my soul through social media. I was glad I didn’t see those extra reminders, those extra digs today. Although I struggled with myself, I didn’t judge myself against every other parent I know. Today was a good lesson to learn off of social media.